Oh Skycoin, you're my hero!

  Hello, Skycoin fans! Well, after the little incident I had with the intimidating gang of waterfowl at the RV park the other day, I decided it's time to man up and hone my fighting skills. In this crazy world of ours, it's always good to have a little bit of self-defense knowledge. Of course, with all the money I made from Skycoin, I could hire a bodyguard, but I do enjoy my privacy. Plus, the only real problems I have are from geese. Don't get me wrong, I love animals as much as the next guy, but if another tweaked out goose comes charging towards my girlfriend or I, I need to be ready to do what is necessary. If that means I got to do some Steven Seagal on a gooseneck or two, then "hiya!"

Don't be a victim. Be a nad demolisher.

    That's why today I signed up for a private one on one lesson with the Honorable Phichit Jhivongs (PJ for short). He's a professional Muay Thai fighter from Thailand that also has experience in Greco-Roman wrestling, Brazilian jiu-jitsu, and boxing. He costs $500 an hour, but I was told that after one session with him, I would be ready to face any adversary, human or avian. Before I was a Skycoin millionaire, I would never have been able to do anything like this. The closest thing I did was a free Krav Magra class at the YMCA and I was quickly out of there after I realized I was the only guy in the class.  I knew that I would be automatically volunteered as the "practice perpetrator" and I just didn't feel like being kicked in the groin over and over until the 20 soccer moms got their forms "just right".

    I met PJ at his studio "The Tiger Cage" where he is usually teaching classes in self-defense.  I walked in just as his last class was leaving. I'm not exactly sure what he was teaching them, but every single one of them was drenched in sweat and a few of them came out limping. It reminded me of the Method Man & Red Man concert I went to at the Red Rocks last year, except with less blood. I wasn't quite sure what I had gotten myself into. I had set up the private lesson over the phone and had only seen pictures of him on his webpage. I didn't realize he was 6'6". "You must be Tommy Stiles!" he greeted me as I came in. I was almost going to respond with "Oops, wrong door" and do a pirouette out of there. Looking up at him from my 5'9" stature, I felt like a little kid.

"You're lucky I don't like Mexican food."

    I had to man up though, if not for me, for all those freedom loving RV campers that have been harassed and assaulted by belligerent geese. "Yes, sir. And you must be PJ," I answered back. I wasn't even going to attempt to pronounce his name; I could barely even type it for this blog. I gave his humungous hand a shake and we did the preliminary forms and billing. I didn't read the entire waiver that I signed, but I do believe there was something about "not responsible for the loss of consciousness or limbs..." Sometimes it's better to just not know, don't you think? After I got all the paperwork and payments out of the way, I went to the locker room to put on my newly purchased gi. Of course, I had to take a selfie of myself in the mirror and post it on Facebook. That was the first and probably the last time I'll ever wear a gi, but my Facebook friends don't know that. For all they know, I'm secretly a young David Carradine. The Kung Fu part, not the other part.

"Hello? Who's there? You're not a goose, are you?"

    Now when I signed up for this class, I figured he would show me some fundamentals of Muay Thai or wrestling. I was wrong. "Tommy," he said in his very thick Thai accent, "I am going to teach you how to protect yourself and your loved ones if you are in danger." I was instructed to come at him as if I were a robber trying to put him in a chokehold. In reality, if I saw this monster on the street, I probably wouldn't even look him in the eye, but it's fun to pretend. "Ok Tommy, so right when your hand is here, I'm going to do this..." and the next thing I knew I was on the floor with my arm twisted in ways it's definitely not supposed to be. "Did you see how I did that Tommy?" he asked. At least that's what I think he asked me. I was hard to hear him over the sound of my ligaments and tendons tearing and ripping. "Whatever you say, please just get off me for the love of Santa Clause!" I screamed back.

    After 3 hours of getting tossed, tackled, and mounted, I was exhausted, but I actually did learn a lot. I learned that if you poke your assailant in the eyes, he can't see. I learned that if you elbow him in the throat, he can't breathe. And I learned that if a 6'6" professional Muay Thai fighter says "Don't worry, this won't hurt," you shouldn't believe him; he's lying! Despite the soreness I'm going to be feeling tomorrow, it was definitely worth the $1500 it cost me. I had a lot of fun and I got to practice defending myself against a giant. I had a few $100 bills I tried to give PJ as a tip, but he didn't accept them. After all, he was the "Honorable" Phichit Jhivongs. He was, however, willing to accept some tips on Skycoin. I showed him how to open a Coinbase account and Cryptopia account. He is a surprisingly fast typer so it only took a couple minutes.

    I showed him the Skycoin graph and told him "I invested in this when it was $1 and now look, it's $20. And it's going to go up into the hundreds very soon. They are due to open in the Korean market soon, and those guys are going push the price to the moon. When it opened up in the Chinese market, it soared past $50. It's on sale right now for $20 due to a temporary market correction, so now is the time to buy as much as possible." The $1500 he charged to my American Express was already in his bank account and he invested every penny of it into Skycoin right then and there. I wanted to give him a high five for it, but it just doesn't look right when a grown man has to jump up to give a high five. Well folks, now I know Kung Fu! Not really, but I will at least be able to defend myself against any more geese thugs! More importantly, I got PJ to join the Skycoin family. No matter how tall you are or how well you can defend yourself, be sure to join the Skycoin family too! Financial independence is only a click away!